Representative Idiocy

Alnums of the Year Far Thus

2007-10-27T13:53:00.000-05:00

Well, I've decided to give in and become the most repulsive creature of the internet: The blogging music reviewer. I apologize, but, really, I'm just trying to spread the love. I'm only doing a couple now, more later. Because I'm lazy as fuck.
In some particular order:

1:Himalayan Bear
....attacks the brilliant air
I have never hated myself more for eschewing the majority of Himalayan Bear's performance opening for Frog Eyes in favor of smoking a doob in the alley. The part that I did manage to catch (one and one-half songs) sent me scurrying over to the merch table, where I promptly bought his album. I staggered home drunk at about two in the morning, and as I was lying in bed, I threw this record on. The first track, sounds are birds, was maybe the best song I've heard this year or maybe any year for the last while. The constant up-and-down acoustic strumming reminding of a rippling lake(a sad one), with gently plucked notes providing the melody, and in the back everything from a saw to static to a distant voice (almost) howling. Bear's gentle voice is beautiful, and the fit the lyrics perfectly. Awesome. Forty stars.

2: Devin Townsend
Ziltoid the Omniscient
I had never heard of Devin Townsend or Strapping Young Lad before, but when I started suggesting this album after it was brought to my attention by the lovely Josh, everyone who heard the name Devin Townsend just broke into a big smile and possible some giggles. Apparently this guy is famous for having a skullet and writing some of the most ridiculous music in metal, while at the same time being prodigiously talented. But! To the album.
It fucking rules. It's basically a concept album about a time-traveling omniscient outer space deity from the planet Ziltodia, whose time-traveling is fueled by nothing other than Earth's best cup of coffee. Here's a couple of excerpts from the first two tracks:

Yeeeees! Greetings, hu-mans! I... Am Ziltoid... The Omniscient! I have come far from across the Omniverse. You... Shall fetch me your universe's ultimate cup of coffee. Black. You have five Earth minutes. Make it perfect!

And from song two:

I am so omniscient, if there was to be two omnisciences, I would be BOTH!

It's music so ridiculous, and at the same time, ridiculously catchy, that you have to bob your head along to the laser sound effects and refrains of ZIL...TOID! ZIL...TOID! This shit rules. Twenty-three lasers.

folk fest

2007-07-10T11:52:00.000-05:00

Everything was awesome, I was high, and Brett got burned like toast... That spent too much time in the sun. Pictures of sunburns to follow soon. I didn't take any pictures because I didn't bring my camera because I don't trust hippies.
Except the free love kind. They're okay.

Elliott Brood
Agnostic Mountain Gospel Choir
Death Vessel
Ben Weaver

Highlightzz

tplbhlplpltblhpthhhhh

2007-07-03T00:07:00.000-05:00

I applied for a job at allmusic.com which some of you may or may not have seen, it seems cool. Writing music reviews for cash-money, what could be better?
Lots of things, but it would definately be neat.
I have the new Palahniuk book sititng on my floor, all sexy (newly discovered hot word for hockey commentators), waiting to be read, but I just haven't... I don't know, I haven't even tried reading it yet. Not for lack of interest (although there seems to be lack of interest in most everything nowadays) but just out of pure... Laziness I suppose. Extreme apathy!
Well, thumbs down for Canada Day. It was nice while it lasted.
I saw this movie called Cronos, by Guillermo Del Toro (same guy who did Pan's Labyrinth, Blade II), and it's awesome, I highly recommend. Also, the book 'We', it's really neat. Pre-1984 dystopia, I love!
Is it strange that a totalitarian dystopia is appealing to me sometimes? Just the angular, mathematical precision. Everybody gets everything. Probably a sex thing though. Everybody gets these pink tickets that allow them an hour of sex time with their selected partner. This is probably just appealing based on the 'current state of things', though.
I think that it appeals to me on some weird level in which I wish that everyone would stick to the status quo somewhat and just don't fuck with my flow. But then I think how awesome general freedom is, and that feeling dispels quickly.
Oh wait, I spent too much time here, it's time I make my next stop. There are things to be done and empty tasks to be executed!

more stuff happened

2007-05-30T01:38:00.001-05:00

I'm excited for folk fest.

I saw an old lady give the finger to a bus drive yesterday because he didnt stop for her, and I laughed for far too long.

I got a new phone, and it can take pictures.
Expect grainy pictures of my dong at any time.

This is what happens when I blog too often; I have nothing to talk about!

So some stuff happened

2007-05-27T21:03:00.000-05:00

I saw Chuck Palahniuk, he was awesome. There was some guy in the back that kept yelling and bothering me, but he got kicked out. Here's me with Chuck.

Everyone had to wear the wedding thing, it's something he does apparently. I look disgusting.

And then last night I went to a Nathan show. I had never seen them before. They were sweet, and I was very drunk. 'Twas a good night had by all, except some of us felt a might bit sick and stumbly at parts.

Sunday night cruise night or whatever is shitty and stupid.

I think I might be emo.

Big Bags Begone

2007-05-08T01:12:00.000-05:00

Ladies, they may be useful and they may be stylish, but...
Keep them the fuck off the counter please. You chose to carry around this huge bag filled with god knows what all day, don't slop it all over my counter and give me a sour look when you need to move your gym-bag sized purse featuring at least 10 non-functional buckles to sign your credit card slip for your purchase of the smooth jazz/easy listening CD or 'The Secret' DVD, and keep it on your goddamn shoulder.

And while we're on the subject of the Secret. Here's the secret: don't take advice from Oprah. Spending $40 (actual price) on some DVD with some vague promise from some TV personality and dubious claims as to what it contains.

And while we're on that subject, is it just me, or are shorts getting shorter every year?

So I haven't blogged in a while, honestly because of two reasons (mainly)

a) I'm lazy (see: effects of extended drug use)
b) I forgot my Google password. (see: effects of extended drug use)

I get three paychecks this month, so there will be some mad drinking and maybe mad tattooing going on. Maybe both on my chest. Titty shots!

And I'm so super-excited for the new Queens of the Stone Age album. It seems like it will be way hot. I bought the new Frog Eyes; fantastic, I call it. And I'm going to try to score some tickets to Dinosaur Jr., because that will be an awesome show.

And for my weekly dish of hate, I still hate that talentless little poopface Lily Allen. Or whatever. Fuck that shit.

I have a new computer, and it's better than yours. Like, wayyyyy better.

Ohhh, and I have a ticket to see Mr. Chuck Palahniuk on a certain May the 25th, where I will probably purchase his new book like so many layer kids will too. I should probably at least get my hair cut. I look like I'm the outcast in a 70's teen comedy. It's ridiculous. I went to the barber naught but a week ago, and already I look like I belong volunteering at the goddamn Folk Fest. And I paid $30 for that haircut. That is some ridiculous bullshit. That's like two or three CD's or a cool t-shirt or like maaaybe two shirts from Value Village. That place is too pr icy too. Capitalism is shitty!

On that subject, I love capitalism, and explaining it's basic concept to people. I get this scenario a lot:

CUSTOMER: Hey, this artist has these two CD's that are similar for some lame reason I just noticed ie. same number of songs, date released, or something of that nature. Why are they differently priced?

ME: Well, because people can charge whatever the fuck they want for whatever the fuck they want, because that's how capitalism works. This country has been using such a system for its entire existence, and I think you should probably accept that sometimes, some comparable things are priced differently. Hell, sometimes the exact same item, is a different price somewhere else! Goddamn!

Not exactly, but you know how it goes.

I think that's about it for now. I have to get to bed. Well, maybe a story before I do.

A Bedtime Story For The Whole Family
by David Nowacki

Three friends were having a sleepover, and watching a movie, a scary movie, one that their parents said they could not watch. These three friends were also snorting the remainders of an 8-ball they had picked up in the bathroom at school that day from some dude. One of them starting freaking out because of the... Well, whatever, he was freaking man, hardcore.
He like, totally couldn't handle that shit. The other dudes had a bummer time too.
Doing coke is for lame-o's. I guess. I don't judge. Whatever man, don't judge me.
Goddamn suits.

Fuck Lily Allen She Sucks

2007-02-05T22:37:00.000-06:00

So, it's been a while since I posted on the blog, and I have all intentions of semi-abandoning it, combined with my computer breaking down, but I bowed to the pressure. Damn my weak will! Yeah, my computer's broken, so i'm typing this on my Wii, which is hard as fuck, so appreciate it.

So, first things first, I got a cat named Gus. Sam says I stole her dog's name but in reality his name is Mingus Jcathonky Spiderman. The J is intentional. And who are you to tell me how to spell a word I made up? Bastard. His hobbies include sleeping in the sun, begging for food he doesn't really want, and trying to catch his own shadow, and being a cat in general.

The Microphones are my new favourite group. Actually one guy, Phil Elvrum, from Boston if i'm not mistaken and i'm too lazy to look it up right now. I bought an album called 'Glow Pt. 2', which is super-fantastic and I recommend everyone buy it. I also bought one called 'Mt. Eerie'.
I also just got into Jim White, if anyone likes post-country (don't be scared, it's not very country), it's amazing. Pick up 'Drill A Hole In That Substrate and Tell Me What You See'. Stereolab is good too, 'Emperor Tomato Ketchup', in particular.

I'm tired of HMV. My bosses, most of my coworkers, and the corporation itself suck. I got in shit from my Supervisor and then my Manager today because I looked up something on the computer then wrote it down. They told me to keep it on my own time. It might just be me, but that's fucked up, especially since they refuse to pay overtime, and stiff you at every turn. So tomorow's my day off, and i'm heading out with resumes and a good attitude... Anybody know any small music stored willing to pay me at least $9/hour?

Stella is a fantastic show, and everyone should watch and buy it.

On that note, what happened to everyone? We all live in the damn city now, all in our own apartments, but we're seeing each other less than we used to. And don't gimme school excuses. you have days off, and I work 40 hours a week and manage to bother the shit out of Brett, Josh, n crew with my phone calls.
Which, by the way, they never answer. Screening your calls is for gaylords. Stop being gaylords, gaylords.

This last part will just be filler to make this post seem even longer, I think I got out everything I needed to, everyone's up to date. Mostly... I mean, i'm sure I missed something, but those are the only things I can think of right now, and im lazy and tired of Wii-typing, so good night!

Movin' on out.

2006-10-29T01:33:00.000-05:00

New adventures, friends.
Well, probably same old ones, but more often.
Hopefully i'll get all the ladies.
You are invited to my housewarming party which is whenever I feel like it...
Which really means, just call me or stop by.
Give me at least 10 minutes warning.
Look forward to seeing you guys.

Hot Boris?

2006-09-15T20:01:00.000-05:00

I think so.

The Most Important Film Utterance Of This Decade

2006-08-18T00:19:00.000-05:00

I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON MY MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!
I just saw Snakes On A Plane, and I don't care if you hate movies, hate snakes, or just hate black people, see this movie.
Please.
It's so good.
On hash. It's even better.

SAM

2006-08-13T22:38:00.000-05:00

Barely acknowledges me.
Hey, thanks.
So I saw Sam on Wolf Parade on Friday, and the show was awesome... But more about that after this.
YOU ARE MEAN TO ME.

But Wolf Parade was amazing, and Frog Eyes (opening act) were a little odd, but still very good.
I was, of course, intoxicated.
It was great!

I Saw...

2006-08-11T01:14:00.000-05:00

A Silver Mt. Zion at the Pyramid last night.
Holy. Shit. I was with Sean O'Rourke, and he bought all of their CDs at the merch stand after the show. They were that good.
We also may have been a tad high, but I don't think that affected it THAT much.

We also took a riverbus tour! We sat in the same bus as the queen did.

The News

2006-08-06T20:56:00.000-05:00

This week I bought:

Boards of Canada
Trans Canada Highway EP
This EP, containing 6 tracks and about 25 minutes long, is not too shabby. The Boards of Canada are in fact a duo of brothers based out of Scotland, and they produce electronic music.
Out of what I have heard, this is not my favourite of theirs, being a little spacier and not as hook-based as The Campfire Headphase, but nonetheless awesome, and a solid deal at 11.99.

8/10

Jason Collett
Idols of Exile
I've listened to about two tracks off of this CD, and so far it's a solid release from the male front of Broken Social Scene. That's pretty much it. Less ecelectic and more kind of what you would expect from and Arts & Crafts release. I don't know how much it costs, I got it for free.

7.5/10

Lance Bass: "I love the penis!"

2006-07-28T01:06:00.000-05:00

So, #1 out of the 5 N*Syncers have come out of the closet. I really would have thought Chasez would be the first one, he seems like he loves a good cup of manjuice in the morning.
Timberlake had a chance, but i'm pretty sure Britney Spears did some irreperable damage to his manliness.
And no one gives two fucks about the other ones.

Just for the sake of one.

2006-07-18T02:31:00.000-05:00

So this is my new blog post. I drew you all a picture.

Nazis=Vampires?

2006-06-27T21:50:00.000-05:00

Well, i'm sure you've heard of the new Blade TV series on Spike TV.
Or haven't, whatever.
So there's a Blade TV series, and I was looking at this picture of the cast, and I don't know, it seems a little racially unbalanced.

I'm not 100% sure, but i'm pretty sure they're implying that vampires are the Aryan race.

FINE LAURA

2006-06-13T02:24:00.000-05:00

Here's my new post:

Fuck you.

Naaaah, come into Winnipeg, you haven't come and partied for so long. I miss drunken same is lame. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SAME IS LAME, HUH?!

Fuckers.

Amazon, say what?

2006-06-02T14:55:00.000-05:00

Was browsing through radiohead albums on Amazon, and they have this feature to buy another similar album with it for a reduced price. Hence:

Where did THIS come from?

Maybe?

2006-05-25T03:08:00.000-05:00

I propose a contest, to be judged by us bloggers.
Worst. Song. Ever.
The first proposition put forward by me is 'Fuck It', by Eamon. He was a one-hit wonder a couple of years ago, with this song which ends up being both crude and offensive, without even a dash of clever anywhere. Not even a whiff. Here are some choices excerpts from aforementioned shitfest.

See, I dont know why I liked you so much I gave you all, of my trust I told you, I loved you, now thats all down the drain Ya put me through pain, I wanna let u know how I feel

[Chorus:] Fuck what I said it dont mean shit now Fuck the presents might as well throw em out Fuck all those kisses, they didn't mean jack Fuck you, you hoe, I dont want you back

Ya questioned, did I care You could ask anyone, I even said Ya were my great one Now its, over, but I do Imagine this shitstick singing

admit I'm sad. It hurts real bad, I
cant sweat that, cuz I loved a hoe

Oh oh Uh huh yeah Oh oh Uh huh yeah Oh oh Uh huh yeah Oh oh Uh huh yeah [Until the end]

Basically the shittiest thing ever. In my opinion. If you can find a
shittier song that had some sort of popularity, then please, send it in.

pluck pluck pluck

2006-05-15T13:41:00.000-05:00

So i'm trying to learn to play guitar.
Not going so well, so if anyone wants to help, please drop me a line.

Working at HMV, i've figured out why we don't sell as many CDs as we used to (if the record companies were right).
Collective societal ADD. Back in the 70's you basically had one genre you liked, maybe even two or three bands that you liked, and purchased. By my last count, I had 1055 songs on my iPod, and over 100 different artists.
So basically what happened is musical evolution, and the expanding of people's musical tastes, not because our ears are somehow better tuned than our parents, but because music is everywhere, in every shape and form.
And it just keeps coming. I can get music from Iceland if I wanted.
In the 70's the only way to do that was to either a) Go to Iceland or b) Phone Iceland and tell them to ship it over. In the 80's, import CDs were becoming more popular, but people generally sticked to similar music and genres, and there still wasn't close to the flow of new CDs as there are now.
So the problem here is twofold: People's music tastes have evolved to the point where they like so many artists, that purchasing every single one of their CDs is completely unfeasible, without starting very wealthy.
Secondly, people like free shit. It's in our DNA. Especially my special JewNA.
I'm telling you, being a poor Jew is the most infuriating thing on Earth.

Blegh.

2006-05-09T02:38:00.000-05:00

Ryan Gelley is the coolest guy eva. He gave me a cigarette and bought me a cheeseburger.
Also... I saw Ben Kingsley and Tea Leoni today, it was hella awesome.
Um... Basically that's it. I'm broke as funk. I got the City and Colour album for free from work today, along with Mariah Carey's the Emancipation of Mimi, Shakira's Oral Fixation Vol. 2, and Clay Aiken's Christmas album! Snap!
Smokindoobiest.
We should all hang out soon.

Album.

2006-04-25T22:42:00.000-05:00

So i'm starting work on an album.
No, I can't sing... Or play any instruments. But I CAN write lyrics. Josh will be guest vocalling and there will be the first ever (!) recording of the awesome mega-track "Chess With Chris Webb".
I'm thinking of writing mostly emo songs, because I seem to write them fairly well, almost like they were easy (le gasp!).
So anyways, i'll be dropping that album... Let's shoot for Q3 '06.
And if anyone wants to contribute in any way, drop me a line, and we'll set things up.
It'll be like Broken Social Scene.
But good!

Sam!

2006-04-20T00:25:00.000-05:00

Randomly showed up to say hi, and high-five myself at HMV today. It totally made that half hour more enjoyable.
Come back, Sam! And bring Laura with you.
And everyone else... Etc. Etc.
Brett and Josh's phone is out til the 26th, along with their internet, so if you want to set something up, call my cell: 996-5157, or Jarsh's cell, which i'm sure you have... If not, call my cell and ask me.

Hottest Headline Ever

2006-04-12T22:44:00.000-05:00

"Gyllenhall and Saarsgard Engaged and Expecting"

Holy 50th post, batman!

2006-04-04T01:54:00.000-05:00

I'll kick this off with a review of Danko Jones' new album, Sleep Is The Enemy. Good luck finding any info on it... It seems to have come in far under anyone's radar.
This album is fuckin' awesome. Just balls-to-the-wall hard rock with outlandishly hilarious lyrics.
For instance:
I'll crash my car just for you
I'll burn my house down just for you
I'll rip my nuts off just for you
I'll max my credit cards
*Guitar*

Basically fucking awesome.
Brett and I were up til about 6 am the other night talking. It was a fucking great conversation. I highly suggest talking to that guy. Or me. I'm pretty damn cool.
So, my theatre wasn't giving me any hours, so I went out and got a job at HMV.
About 4 days after HMV hires me, the theatre calls up and says they want me back.
Well... Fuck you theatre. Fuck you in the ear.
But I still want free movies, because that's basically badass. Plus... Money!
Shatner is god. So much. Anyone who's ever listened to Mr. Tambourine Man knows what i'm talking about. See also: That's Me Trying, Has Been, I Can't Get Behind That .

Come... Winnipeg.

2006-04-02T03:41:00.000-05:00

Drink. Etc.

Insert witty/offensive statement.
G'nite.

But I won't do anal.

2006-03-28T01:04:00.000-06:00

Basically HMV loves me. Or they must, because they gave me a job, right in the interview.
After which I proceeded to work there not two hours after I was hired.
And got paid for it. I'm basically #1 right now. In my books, anyways.
Who keeps books? And what are people good in them? Who the fuck thought that up?
Pretty sure, fuck them.
Now I must sleep because I also work tomorow at 10. But i'll be there at 9:00 or 9:30. I have to make Josh look good, because he recommended me. I'll probably stay late too.
So... I'll see you in a couple of weeks when I can stop making Josh look good.
Sleep out!

In respose to the response of my last post.

2006-03-22T01:01:00.000-06:00

Blow me.

It's okay, put it in.

2006-03-15T20:46:00.000-06:00

The living room is dark, curtains drawn. The smell of artificial cherry lingered in the stuffy air.
A man stood by the couch, facing a small girl, who was seated on the couch.
"C'mon Sara, put it in your mouth... It won't hurt you."
The girl shook her head, obviously not wanting to put any such thing in her mouth.
"Just put it in your mouth, Sara." The man started to get agitated.
"It's not going to hurt you. What if I put a little honey on the tip? Would you wanna put it in then?"
The little girl shook her head, disgusted. She wore a frown of the severest kind.
The man shook his head and stuffed it in her unwilling mouth.
"It's just a goddamn thermometer" He said to himself as he checked his watch.

The End

New Music, What i'm Listening To.

2006-03-13T18:02:00.000-06:00

Great Lake Swimmers- I Saw You In The Wild
I just recently found these guys. I don't know if anyone has heard of them, but they're kinda Elliott Smith/Neil Young-ish. Download this song or ask me for it (It's hard to get). Cons: The lead singer has a creepy resemblance to Vincent Gallo, as seen here.

Tony Dekker

Vincent "Fucking Shithead" Gallo

New doggy pic, edited for your enjoyment.

2006-03-11T22:44:00.000-06:00

AH!

2006-03-07T04:53:00.000-06:00

It's Peter Saarsgard's 35th birthday today!
Also, it's Rachel Weisz's 35th birthday today!
What a hot day!
Hot!

FINE I WILL THEN.

2006-02-28T15:57:00.000-06:00

This is the story of how pushy people get pushed off bridges, and the pusher never is found.
One day there was this girl named... Paura. Yeah, Paura. Paura was all like "Hey do another... Online journal entry, or i'll make vague threats."
And then the guy she's saying this to, Bavid, is all like "Let's go to a bridge", and then he pushes her off the bridge because she was pushy.
THE END

Mixaphorically.

So, I think i'm going to do some fun stuff this summer, hopefully rent a cabin way out in Ontarizzo, for a week or weekend or so. Who would want to come to a secluded cabin in Ozzintario with me and Brett and possibly Josh for a week/weekend?
We'd get boozed up and the cabin might be free, so we'd only have to pay for food and booze and Marijihoochie.
Who's in?

PS It's not guarenteed, it MAY happen, and I will try my hardest to make it so. But I need a commitment from everyone coming that we would TAKE CARE of the place, and clean it before we leave.

Oh Ma Gawwwwd

2006-02-22T16:14:00.000-06:00

I am, unfortunately, in a slump.
But enough about me.
I bought a new CD: Psyence Fiction by U.N.K.L.E., it's quite good. It's kinda trip-hop/electronic, umm... I don't really know. It's good though, appearances by Thom Yorke and Mike D (of Beastie Boys), and it's a solid album, although a bit short.
I also bought Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, but it freezes every ten minutes or so, making me restart it.
So then I ran into an old friend of mine, Craig. He said he'd been working on an oil rig in South Dakota, which made no sense, because as i'm sure you know South Dakota is in the interior.
So I punched him. In the face. It was a revelation for me, my knuckle hitting his jaw.
So now whenever I see someone who says they work on oil rigs, I punch them.
Monkies!

Emo Slash Slash

2006-02-14T23:57:00.000-06:00

Boohoo, it's Valentines day... Emo kid says "I wanna kill myself, etc. etc."

PS I know this looks suspiciously like Josh.

Sam Sam Bo-Bam A-Ram Sam

2006-02-06T04:05:00.000-06:00

Well, this is a little late, but here goes:

How Sam Saved My Life and Juggled Flaming Chainsaws at the Same Time, While Kissing a Baby

I am a simple boy with a heart of gold and a mind full of idealism and all that crap. I mostly drift through life not really wanting any more for myself than a nice tuna sandwich, easy on the mayo, Jim.
The following statement was correct until a special person came into my life that made the following sentence a complete stinking lie.
This person is Sam. A person SO great, her name can only be placed in titles, in bold type, or in italics. And however else I use it in this rambling four a.m. pile of textual waste.
So one day, I was a-strolling down the boulevard, looking for my next big score, when I noticed a nice car driving by. Thinking that it must contain a lonely business man looking for a good time and not too worried about herpes, I approached said car. Those three simple steps from the underside of an overturned mattress even discarded by hobos because of the smell to the nice, shiny car would change my life forever. Oooo!
So I stumbled onwards, in hope of possibly orally pleasing some business man with my beautiful singing skills. Oh, sorry, that was aurally. Aurally.
And who should open the window but an undercover cop. He immediately arrested me for soliciting voice box prostitution.
After spending those eight months in jail, and having my awesome singing prowess removed from me, I wandered out into a world I hardly knew anymore.
Then some more stuff happened.
Then I met Sam.
She's pretty cool.

The Dog Blog

2006-02-01T04:29:00.000-06:00

Discover it, love it!
http://caninusbaddassus.blogspot.com

Well, my job search has so fair been... Unsuccessful to say the least.
But i'm boring, so enough about that.

When's the next git-togetha? I live for the git-togethaz!
Mmm, I love Sigur Ros, so hot. Download 'Flugufrelsarinn'.
Yeah, I said Flugufrelsarinn. Whatcha gon' do?
And i've also decided to take up a pretty rigorous workout routine, as I figure i'm pretty out of shape. It's not even so much a physical thing, but i'd just like to be able to hike with my brother when I visit him and not hold him up every five minutes.
News flash, I love Sufjan so much.

Pitchas!

2006-01-26T16:33:00.000-06:00

Fuel

2006-01-25T04:09:00.000-06:00

Last night was a smashing (smashed) success. Hopefully to be repeated tomorow (today) and on Friday (Friday).
Sufjan Stevens is the new Jesus, and it only took me three songs to be completely convinced of this. Thank you, James (Friday).
One-Handed bedtime stories and yuckiness to be kicked up again on Friday, but this time with the new Mario Party Brett and I just rented. To be played drunk!
As in accordance with new trends in my true consumer-whore fashion, here is my list of people to bang! 2006!

-Prostitute with any lethal STD/STI
-Stephen Harper

In that order.

Converge!

2006-01-22T15:49:00.000-06:00

Come forth unto my bosom so as to suckle the sweet milk of drunkenness and Mario Party combined in one glorious evening of debauchery and merrymaking!
COME FORTH I SAY!
NO OTHER BUT TODAY!

Bring Your Own Pants

I miss you dudes.

2006-01-19T16:17:00.000-06:00

I think everyone should come into Winnipeg soon. Stuff like New Years happens far too infrequently.
Break out the drunken Mario Party!
Shit!

Gimme a stiff one!

2006-01-18T01:45:00.000-06:00

I fucked your dog!

Tool of the Week: Issue I

2006-01-13T14:21:00.000-06:00

This is the first edition of my weekly posting, which I have entitled "Tool of the Week". It's an excellent output for my deep inner hatred of everyone, which will be directed onto one person in a (hopefully) humorous light. So, enjoy my cynicism.

Tool #1!
Conservative MP Derek Zeisman

Now, when I chose this guy, I hadn't seen a picture of him yet. If you haven't either, you're missing out. He deserves to be Tool of the Week based on his stock photo alone, seen here:
Look at that shit-eating grin. With a gaptooth, no less. If I saw this guy on the street with this grin on his face, I'd probably punch him a new tooth-hole.
You'd think this was a some shitty press photograph, but this one is from his own website. Speaking of websites, a quote from Stephen Harper, who has tactfully disowned and disavowed this poor fellow. Ironically enough, whilst perusing the Tory website, I found this little gem from Mr. Harper himself (whom i'm sure will be featured on this column): "The time for accountability has arrived".
Yes, it has. Stevey, who signed this shithead's endorsements, and sang his praises when he came up for office.
And the website, of course, says nothing at all about Mr. Zeisman's poor predicament.
Oh no! A conservative witout his Benz! It's like a monkey without shit in his hand! Oh, for those who don't know, Mr. Zeisman was caught trying to smuggle a Mercedes-Benz and 112 bottles of booze across the border.
And his comments on this event? He called the charges (which he his from his party) "Unjustified", and said they were "...brought against me by someone in the government with a grudge against me."
Well, Mr. Zeisman, I think in that case, the charges would probably have been brought against you by... The law! Which, yes, does hold grudges against people who break them.
Jackass.

It happened.

2006-01-12T02:42:00.000-06:00

The convergence of my consumer whorishness and the two most beautiful people, who happen to be famous, have come together in a marvolous thing I like to call:
Brad Pitt knocking up Angelina Jolie.
That, dear friends, will be one hot baby.
Mark my words, by summer, I will be also in the 'hot' category. I've promised myself to focus on my aesthetics until I can get de bitches without actually showing any... You know...
Personality.
It'll be awesome.
I bought Johnny Cash's American IV: The Man Comes Around.
It's so fucking badass.
So is the word badass.
I almost bought a Wu-Tang Clan CD.

I Think You Should Leave Now.

2006-01-05T23:47:00.000-06:00

I've come to the conclusion that although I like to think i'm proficient at everything, i'm not that great a writer.
I can form coherent sentences, and string them together to form a coherent story, blog post, whatever.
But.
My real strength lies in storytelling.
I can come up with neat stories. I just don't have the writing skills to make them fantastic.
So i've decided to approach Brett with this idea: I come up with a story. And he writes it so it's all pretty-like.
He'll probably say no, but I think we could do something really neat if we put our heads together.
Hahaha, I just got that.
So Brett.
I think it would do us both well.
We can motivate eachother.
Do it.
On a secondary note:

Mandatory New Year's Post

2006-01-02T03:15:00.000-06:00

So, New Years.
I have to say, it was not nearly as good as last year. But those who I would tell what happened then already know. So they understand.
I did not get nearly enough kissing in. There was James trying to kiss me on the mouth, whom I gave the head-turn, so it turned into a cheek kiss.
Then my lovely fiancé gave me a nice one on the lips (woohoo, i'm in grade 5).
And that was it.
I would have even taken one from Brett, who's halfway to being a woman.
So much tequila.
The following sentence is my apology for my drunken ramblings and whathave you that may have been embarassing to me:
"Fuck you all, I was drunk as hell."
End apology.
I am not yucky.
When I got to work at 6 PM, I was so tired I couldn't even keep up my usual happy-go-lucky perky persona. I was a grumpy bastard. Plus no one I really liked was working. Working anywhere near me, anyways.
So when one of my managers asked if anyone wanted to go home around 7:15, my hand flew up so fast I though I might pop it right out of the socket.
Drunken Mario Party is so kickass.
Sorry for hitting on you so much, Josh.
Sam, if I did anything inappropriate... Um... Ehhhh! (coupled with Fonzi hand moves)
The rest of you, refer to above apology.
Oh, except for Mila, whom I didn't know. I'm not usually such a jackass. I'm pretty cool.
So, happy New Years to all, and I hope you had an awesome start of 2006!

Where were you when Kennedy died?

2005-12-28T03:40:00.000-06:00

I got lectured today because when I came in the house at 4:30 am I left a pack of smokes (accidentally) on the piano.
Nothing was said about me staying up until 5:00 am or my breakfast, which consisted of a box of macaroni and cheese, a turkey sandwich loaded with salt, and various chips I found in the cupboards.
I'll die of heart attack from my eating habits and lack of exercise before I die of a stroke from smoking about twice a month.
But i'll change it all. I promise.
I sometimes wonder if girls would hit on me more if I were skinny. Then I realize i'm a dumbass and wonder about subjects which require a little more ponderance.
Family Guy is so fucking funny. Try to download Peter's version of Rock Lobster. Holy god. I nearly shit myself when I heard that, and every time since.
Hm...
In '87, Huey released this, Fore, their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is Hip To Be Square, a song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself. Hey, Paul... AHHHHHHHHH!

Life.

2005-12-22T01:47:00.000-06:00

Just feels good right now.
I love my job. I love my family. I love my friends.
And i'm begining to love me more.
I'm just a fucking happy camper.

My attractive new co-worker gave me her phone number at work today, about 2 hours after I met her. And this just after I got the number of another attractive co-worker two days previous.
I'm on a roll, and I like it. Here's to hoping the roll continues for a while.

And also to everyone out there, I wish you all the best.
I really hate bullshit greeting-card company sentiment, but I really feel like everyone should get some love right now. I'm going to be one loving motherfucker for the next while.
Especially if I get laid.
So if you are in Winnipeg, and want to see me, i'm the tall guy with the big shiteating grin on his face, and a heart full of love.
Happy non-denominational season's greetings, people!

"... You pulled your shit together."

2005-12-15T03:32:00.000-06:00

And that I did, apparently. This coming from my dad.
This week I have made some badass steps indeed.
Firstly, I finally got my lazy ass another job. Now i'm working at the Grant Park theatre.
It's minimum, and part-time, but it's a job, so I don't really care. Plus it's a theatre to boot.
Also, I applied for college, and am working on getting my portfolio together.
So basically, there's my shit, and it's all there. Together, as it were. In a pile. Pile of responsibility.
Yeah.

A Better, Happier, You.

2005-11-29T02:46:00.000-06:00

Three people were watching me from the corner as I assembled my table.
Salt on the left.
I had seen them as I came in, and as they looked at me I became very interested in the floor, which I noted was very dirty. I stepped only on the white squares. The floor is the cold restaurant black and white checkerboard linoleum that was installed in the fifties and probably hasn't been washed since then. Actually, I’m pretty sure these floors used to be all white.
Pepper one and one-half inches to the left of salt, check with ruler.
I sit down in the cleanest booth. Clean here is a relative term. This diner has been open for at least fifty years and I have come every Thursday since I was seventeen.
Napkin, one inch from right of plate. Oh boy, here come the utensils.
The waitress who has been serving me since I was seventeen drops the utensils in her usual purposely abrasive manner. She loves testing me. She tosses the menu down with more than a grin creasing her wrinkled old bat face. What a nice lady. But now my salt in knocked over. Damn. I have to start again.
SaltontheleftPepperoneandonehalfinchestoleftofsaltcheckwithrulerNapkinoneinchfromplate.
Throw some salt over my left shoulder. Put the menu down, I know what I want. The waitress knows this; she’s waiting for me to be done assembling my table. The three people at the table start to snicker.
Fork, knife, one half-inch away from each other, on top of napkin.
I look at the piece of art on the wall. The picture is three dogs laughing at another dog. They're eating dinner.
Spoon, tucked behind the plate, straight as an arrow, pointing at both ends of the table.
The waitress comes over, and I order my order, which is my order. I don't even have to say it. She knows nothing but my order. Tool.
Take sanitized wipes out of pocket, polish everything and rearrange in aforementioned order.
As the wipes come out of my pocket, the mild chuckles erupt into full-blown donkey-ass laughter from the three dogs behind me. Philistines. I stare at my table.
SaltontheleftPepperoneandonehalfinchestoleftofsaltcheckwithrulerNapkinoneinchfromplate.
Sanitize. Sanitize. Sanitized.
I feel better.
I look out the window. I try to avoid this, but I need to erase the idiotic chattering of the dogs, interrupted occasionally by their laying. Pack of fucking hyenas. Out the window I... Ass-laughter.
Sanitize.
Sanitize.
Sanitized.
I see the Braggadaccio's across the street. My ex-girlfriend told me it was extra-clean, and they took pride in doing everything for the customers. She said I would love it there. She said it was expensive, and clean.
Sanitize.
Sanitize.
I don't want that done for me, I told her as the fork was flung from her hand narrowly missed my head on her way out. I told her it wasn't the clean. She was out the door. I told the door it wasn't the order. She was in a taxi, I was on the couch. I told the coffee table it wasn't the spoon behind the plate. It wasn't the fork one half-inch from the knife. It wasn't the fucking napkin, one inch from the plate. Not the fucking salt on the left there, the pepper one and one-half inch from the fucking salt.
It was the mundane task; it was the occupied mind, the task, the sanitization. The sanitized plate shining back at me, everything perfect, no thoughts but the plate, the fucking salt, the half-inches and the angles.
I didn't want to think anything else.
I had a psychologist once who asked me why I did what I did. Why I occupied my mind with mundane tasks. He said I was a genius. I could think of anything I want. Why knives and pepper shakers? What happened to me at seventeen?
I almost drove him crazy.
What happened to me at seventeen? What happened to me so that I never wanted to think about anything but fucking salt, fucking forks?! I could be solving complex mathematics! I could be the president! I could be figuring out how to solve fucking hunger problems in Nigeria!
What happened to me at seventeen? I saw the world. I read a newspaper, and I saw the news on television, and I saw people as they really were.
So now my best friend is a plate. It's much better this way.
* * * * * * *

For James.

Hello?

2005-11-26T15:37:00.000-06:00

For those of you who haven't picked up on it yet, there's an ongoing project whose members are Brett, James, and myself.
It's a kind of dream blog, although I have avoided using the word dream thus far.
The link to it is over in my links column, to your right. It's the one in dark grey, at the top.
Or, if that's too much for you... http://dreamsofanidiot.blogspot.com
David!

And Off I Go

2005-11-15T03:59:00.000-06:00

Contemplate.
Why do I feel more content now than I really ever have, doing nothing at all?
Snort.
I finished Survivor, and it can really, truly be called Chuck Palahniuk's most normal novel.
Which isn't saying much.
Let me move.
Let me move in.
Pay me.
I had a dream I won that twenty-seven million dollars last night, and it was the most fulfilling thought to cross my mind in a while.
I need to run.
I need to eat.
Eat salad.
I stay up late because I want to get the most out of my nothingness, until I rejoin the ranks of the working. I fucking hate working, probably a lot more than most people. I feel like burning every place that ever used the word 'Team Leader'.
Pure truth can only be ascertained through lies.
I'm too warm.
Maybe I should become a hermit.
I joined the Google Adsense bullshit, because i'm too lazy to get a job.
No credit card, no computer, no tv, no camera.
No fun.
I'm having fun.
I wish I had some talent so I could exploit myself and become rich from my own suffering.
Stabby stabby.
You shit.
No.
If I wrote a book, by the end I would be emotionally, physically, and as an offshoot, socially emaciated.
But the money.
Always money.
Fuck money.
I want all of it.
Fuck the people keeping it from me.
I'll fuck them all.
Fuck them good.
Fuck them.
Fuck.
Eff.

The Age-Old Question

2005-11-10T04:34:00.000-06:00

What happens when pure, unadulterated narcissism plus a bad photgrapher and an unshaven chubby 18-year-old from Canada gets ahold of a digital camera and a blog at 4:30 am?
Preeeeeeetty much this.

Enjoy my carpet, and empty bottles.

AUUUUUUUUUGH!

2005-11-04T13:49:00.000-06:00

From iMDB: (God help us all)

Gallo Offers Sperm for Sale

An internet site is offering controversial film maker Vincent Gallo's sperm for sale for $1 million. VGMerchandise.com - which calls itself "the official website for Vincent Gallo merchandise" - includes a detailed agreement whereby wannabe mothers can pay for Gallo to inseminate them by in vitro fertilization (IVF) or even naturally for an extra $500,000, a fee it alleges he will waive if he deems the woman attractive enough. The site details the actor/director's physical attributes: "Mr. Gallo is 5 feet 11 inches and has blue eyes. There are no known genetic deformities in his ancestry and no history of congenital diseases. If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it's a boy (eight inches if he's like his father)." It also recommends his sharp features would "blend well with a softer, more subtly featured female."

I Quit.

2005-11-03T13:57:00.000-06:00

Fuck 'em.
I need a job.

NewsRoll, Part 2

2005-11-02T22:11:00.000-06:00

South Asia can't cut a fucking break, part deux:
(from the BBC)
_______________________________________________________
Earthquake toll leaps to 73,000

More than 40 villages are still to be reached, says Pakistan

Pakistan says more than 73,000 people died in the 8 October quake that devastated its north and Kashmir.

Official figures a day earlier had put the death toll at about 57,000. No reason was given for the sudden jump.

The government has proceeded cautiously in its count so far. The new figures tally closer to local estimates of 80,000 which are several weeks old.

Relief commissioner Farooq Ahmed Khan said more than 69,000 were injured. He expected the casualty toll to rise.

Pissed off, once again. Three AM.

2005-10-30T03:24:00.000-06:00

Well, for your sake, and for the sake of the space taken up on this blog, I just put it on a webpage.
The background here: I came home on the morn of my 18th birthday, to find this in my email.
I'm sure I don't agree with this film being made, albeit I don't appreciate people sending me e-mails asking for my signature on some righteous bullshit petition to support an asshole view of a religion that isn't mine.
In fact, stop sending me anything that was sent to you, unless you have my express written and oral permission.
I just realized I went through an entire angry blog without saying fuck.
Oh.

Fuck.

PeaEss- All my addendums are in bold.

The NewsRoll

2005-10-29T03:21:00.000-05:00

South Asia can't catch a fucking break.
From the BBC
"

Indians flee approaching cyclone

More than 50,000 people have fled homes in Tamil Nadu

Thousands of people in low-lying areas along the south-east Indian coast have been evacuated ahead of a cyclone that is expected to make landfall on Friday.

Winds of 70-100km/h (45-60mph) and heavy rains are already severely disrupting life in the area.

Air and rail transport has been badly affected. Fishermen have been warned not to go to sea until Sunday.

More than 100 people have died in several days of rain in Tamil Nadu, Karnataka and Andhra Pradesh states.

"

Angry again.

2005-10-25T17:54:00.000-05:00

Some things people do bother me. But I am actually quite hard to get angry in real life.
Blogging angry is one thing.
Angry, wanting to physically injure someone is something that doesn't happen to me often, if ever.
But people who jump on political bandwagons just so they can affiliate themselves with some sort of 'anti-culture' movement is fucking bullshit.
It's not anti-culture if it is a culture unto itself. Half of America thinks the same way you do, not to mention 95% of Europe.
You are not cool. You are not special. You are a stupid bastard who has thoughts of grandeur and intelligence and you make me angry.
Physically, madly angry. I want to punch you.
So i'm starting a program.
If you fall into the aforementioned category, please send me your address, and physical specifications, and one of our experts will come by and punch you in the fucking face.

As an addendum here:
"No one knows an exact number, but there is some consensus, including from a U.S. military spokesman and outside experts, that an independent count of roughly 30,000 is a relatively credible tally of Iraqi civilians killed."
http://news.yahoo.com/s/cpress/20051025/ca_pr_on_wo/iraq_us_toll

Stupid Blog Titles Abound [edit]

2005-10-16T01:32:00.000-05:00

Well... I have to see Platoon. I mean, it's been everywhere lately, so it must be a sign.
And yes, bitches, I will buy some grass...
Lazy assloving polevaulters.
Also, there's a lot more stuff I hate now, too long to list. There was somebody I needed to add on my list next to Vincent Gallo, but I really can't remember who.
But they suck, whomever they are.
Asshole.

Also, work sucks.
Er... Gillette M3 Power sucks majour dink. Who was in the focus group for that piece of shit?
"Hey, let's take a product with three razor blades that you rake across your face, and put a little vibrator in the handle!"
Fucking geniuses.

Scientology is stupid.

This is obvious shit.

Good night.

Holysnapandahalfbaby!

2005-10-11T00:24:00.000-05:00

Well... I was at work today, and was reading the news on the main work webpage and...
They changed the pay periods around, so on my next paycheck (the 20th), I will be getting paid for three weeks of work, which include today (which was a stat holiday, which means I made $25 an hour on an 8-hour shift).
So the paycheck will be $1000+.
Anyone wanna hang out that weekend?

Also, i've been listening to Mellow Gold by Beck lately, and:
It's fuckin' awesome. I'm going out when I get that paycheck, and buying all of his CD's I can get my grubby little hands on, plus (Brett) the Matt Good In A Coma set.
And probably some clothes.
And lots of movies.
And some crack babies.
Mmm... Babies.
Anybody have some better ideas for the money than that?
I don't think so.

Collection of angerosity and punctuation

2005-10-06T00:47:00.000-05:00

I am so fucking disappointed with our generation in a way I can only express by saying fuck a lot.

Fucking tools dancing around their false idols, fucking tools calling themselves unique.
Even this post condemning them feels contrived and a lame attempt to jump on a counter-counter-culture bandwagon, but I really fucking hate people who can't spell, or don't even try to spell.
Green Day is not punk, and not even that good, same goes for Good Charlotte, to an even greater extent.
You are not a unique or beautiful snowflake.
Fuck your heavy mascara and your overhead, off-frame camera shots. You're all fucking tools.
You are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the universe.
Fuck your shitty clothes that cost more than the average outfit. You spend money to look like you don't care... Fucking tools.
I'm a fucking tool.
Fucking cutting yourself is the stupidest thing you can do. I don't care what the fuck you've been through, there is someone in Africa right now who is not slitting their wrists and would make your tragedies shrink into absolute epiphanies of insignificantness.
Give it up, save that tear for something more pressing than a divorce and too much fucking homework.
Simple Plan is the shittiest band ever created, while i'm at it.
Most teenagers nowadays don't read fucking books.
Your mass entertainment is sanatizing your brains for mass consumption.
This statement is a statement against itself in all its essence.
Good night. I'll leave you with this:

"creative spelling is a theory where people dont worry so much about spelling and continue writing. i believe in it very strongly and i really dont care if you guys think im the smartest thing in the world. Chances are I'll never meet you but we're on the same message board for one reason. We both love the producers, so my choises gramatically and in misspelling shouldnt make a difference in what you think about my opinins of the movie/musical/moviemusical"
http://imdb.com/title/tt0395251/board/nest/26617316?d=26647862#26647862

What i've done'nd so far, cor blimes.

2005-10-02T11:09:00.000-05:00

Interview
David Nowacki

Sunlight hit the outside of the windows on the SUV, reflected off the tint that only celebrities get. Although it wasn’t that bright outside, and his windows were tinted to the point of giving the interior of his car a deep-underwater feel, but his sunglasses remained uncompromisingly positioned on his face.

The sunglasses he so coveted were a dime a dozen in his world. The precious worthless, a freebie that could feed a family. He glanced in the drop-down mirror at his face. His chin was seemingly spray-painted with day-old stubble, which his publicist thought gave him enough edge to get by on. Just edgy enough to attract the fans too young to actually date him (which he did occasionally anyways), and just soft enough to appease their parents.

He was a publicist’s wet dream.

_______________________________________

This is draft two. I decided not to drop in right in the middle of the story this time. This is just paragraph one, so... Judge what you can. And judge harshly, for my sake.
But try to escape phrases such as 'piece of cockshit', or 'could have been written better by a(n) anus/rectum'.
Thank you.

Consternation of bagglepusses!

2005-09-24T23:51:00.000-05:00

Don't ask.

I have come here today for a rant. And this is a rant to end all rants. It is tentatively titled:

Fuck Uwe Boll in his dumb smelly ass, he can go fuck off and die, that fuck.
Or something to that effect.
He truly is a stupid stupid bastard. Well, actually I can't really say that out of fairness, he could actually be really smart.
Wait no, no possibly smart human being, or even ape for that matter, could fucking make House of the Dead or Alone in the Dark and call it a fucking movie.
I'm usually a fair person*, but in all reality, these can't be called films. The Godfather was a film. Fight Club was a film. Fucking... Happy Gilmore was a film, albeit a silly, although, amazing, film.
The aforementioned Uwe boll 'films' are not films at all, but rather moving pictures- nay, atrocities to mankind, are not films, but atrocities to mankind.
And yet, for some odd, magical reason, Uwe Boll keeps on getting to direct, nay, rape, fond memories of good videogames gone past. How does this man keep getting contracts to rape my memories.
And even IF he gets the contracts, he must get by now that he is utter shit and can't do anything right, and he is an asshole for getting lucrative projects, fucking and raping what used to be good stories, and get millions in the process.
So WHY, in God's name, does this man continue to fuck my memories. He may as well come down to my house, cut off my skullcap, rip my brain out, find the part that stores fond memories, and fuck it.
Why, Uwe, why?
So, in conclusion, Fuck Uwe Boll in his dumb smelly ass, he can go fuck off and die, that fuck.

*I'm not fair at all, i'm a biased asscock-chugger.

Trendiness ensues

2005-09-21T23:44:00.000-05:00

I need to get more sleep.
I don't know what it is, but everything is a million times better when experienced past ten o'clock at night. And I can't go to sleep before midnight, it seems. Stupid computers, keeping me awake, eating my every moment.
Yes, I realize the irony that i'm writing this mostly as an excuse to stay on the computer later.
Sigh.
I get my first paycheck tomorow, of which I get to keep around... $40. Out of fucking $479.97.
All my debts caught up to me as soon as I got money, damn them.
And that's not even all of them, but fortunately, my next paychecks ever onward are going to be around $620, without the debt.
And that's hot.
And I realize starting sentences with Ands is really bad, sorry.
And goodnight.

Fullness of Atrocitation

2005-09-15T14:39:00.000-05:00

I deleted all my pretentious self-realization posts.

So, I was writing this movie, and I was thinking about it last night when I couldn't sleep. I decided to do a complete rewrite.
Because it had no meaning to it, and this realization came from the most unexpected of places: my step-brother, James. I was walking with him, and telling him about the movie, and when I was finished telling him the basic storyline, he said "So what's the point?". And I thought about it, and I had no answer for him.
There was no point, I was just writing it because it seemed like a cool storyline.
But then I thought, what the hell is wrong with that?
Nothing.
But then I realized what I had wasn't going anywhere, so I decided to rewrite anyways.
And so the process goes.

I. Need. Money.

Seriousity for once

2005-09-09T15:00:00.000-05:00

Okay, usually my posts are disposable and sometimes wittier than Wilde.
Yeah, shut up, I stabbed myelf for that one.
But today I decided to pick a topic that's not completely retarded.
Religion. And please don't judge me: i'm not against ant religion as long as it stays unharmful to other people.
I'll say i'm sorry right now for the generalizations, I don't mean everyone, but a majority.
But as I was reading through the Exorcism of Emily Rose boards on imdb, there were a number of Christians who opposed this movie because of it's subject matter, as with many movies before it.
Whilst reading this, I was thinking to myself somewhere along the lines of 'YOU DON'T FUCKING OWN AMERICA YOU SHITS, JUST DON'T SEE THE FUCKING MOVIE!'
When I realized that they may as goddamn well.
Christianity has escalated to the point where it's really impossible to go somewhere where it doesn't exist.
In America, the Christians truly do believe that America should be run the Christian way, which is basically religious facism. And with the line of white, Christian leaders that America has had since it's conception, there's really no chance for any other belief system to take effect. The American Christians believe that everyone should be Christian, and live their lives by Christian beliefs, and some Christians believe this to the extent where they do things like bomb abortion clinics and assassinate doctors who perform abortions.
Yeah, Jesus gives that one the thumbs up, you ignorant fucks.
I've read the Bible, and although this is really just treading a path that's been taken by about a million philosophers and the like before me, i'm going to say it.
Fables, they're just fables. In my mind, not to be taken literally. I believe that Jesus was a man, and may have been a great leader of men. But miracles and things and all the stories in the Bible are fables. Stories with morals, morals to live your life by.
In all honesty, if John and Peter and James could live to see what people do in the name of Christ and the Bible, they would have taken the original manuscripts and burned them.
Christ himself, no matter how heavenly, would probably be sick to his goddamn stomach.
Saints were not those who converted millions and got cheques from hillbillies through a cable show, but they were people like Mother Theresa, selfless and living in the true spirit of the religion, giving and kindness. Tolerance and acceptance. Love.
I could write a book on this shit.
Oh, how about these Christians who sit around judging Muslims, calling all of them extremists and evil. After the 9/11 attacks, thousands of Muslims in America were jailed, beaten and even murdered, but that wasn't plastered all over the news.
What would happen if every time a Christian extremist did a bunch of crazy murderous shit, the rest of the religions started attacking them?
There would be Christians getting murdered left and right. An abortion clinic is bombed at least once a month. In the south, the KKK still exists! The fucking KKK. Even in oh-so-Liberal Canada, it exists.
What do we call them? An extremist group. What do we call extremist Muslims? Terrorists, and then we bomb their country.
Hey, let's bomb South Carolina because there's a couple of KKK members there! Why not? It makes about as much sense as bombing Baghdad.
It's out of control, and it's only going to get worse unless someone slaps some sense into the world.
I'm sorry I picked on Christianity, this is happening in just about every religion (with a few exceptions), but it's just the closest to home for me. Thanks for reading this far.

Gnashing my teeth as consumerismisticness!

2005-09-07T20:03:00.000-05:00

Er... Right.
So I was on the imdb boards for Jarhead, and there was some random thread about Canada, and it was just Canadians defending Canada, and calling Americans dumb, and vice versa with the Americans.
We, as Canadians, generally don't hate America. It's physically fucking impossible for me to know every single person in America, and hate them all. In nations as large as ours, with so many diverse cultures and people, you can't fucking generalize!
What the American people sometimes get twisted is that we just hate Bush, for the most part. He's a dink, almost half of voting Americans agree.
You can't generalize, people! Fuck!

In any case, I watched the Family Guy movie again. Formally titled Stewie: The Untold Story, or something to that effect, but that's just too damn long. Unlike that explanation.
It's not too bad, and has it's funny moments, but it's really nothing special. As I was discussing it with a fella I met through this whole blogger business, (film-fanatic), he quite astutely pointed out the fact that they didn't really use the whole 'not censored for TV' thing enough. A couple of fucks here and there is all dandy and nice, but they really could have put some racier material in there, as it was going to be R-Rated anyways, and I know they have it in them. They're sick bastards over there.

And also, um... Have sex with me, attractive women, that would be nice.

And also, smart/attractive women, WHERE ARE YOU?!

Money is root of all the sweet things in life

2005-09-02T00:41:00.000-05:00

Money can't buy me happiness, but it sure as shit can kill you, you philosophical bastard. Shut your fucking trap.
So, the job's going okay.
Enough about you.
Oh! One more thing, I bought Batman: The Movie, and tried to rent Team America: World Police, but there was something like $30.61 late charges that my friend put on my account, so I could not rent it. And I wanted to see it again so so badly. I also bought Lullaby by Chuck Palahniuk, which I am damn excited to read, and will probably try to do so tonight. I'm also going to purchase American Psycho, so Brett, if you're reading this, you can just borrow it from me when i'm done.
That's about it for today... Um, Peace and good will to all those involved in the tragedy.

Not the Katrina one, the AIDS tragedy in Africa. Or did you just happen to forget that for the latest tragedy du jour, as Matt Good so succinctly put it? It seems every time some natural disaster comes along, everyone conveniently forgets about the ongoing tragedies until Bono needs another popularity boost.

There's the rant. Good night.

My head is a mushroom pie

2005-09-01T01:35:00.000-05:00

Or so the mirror says.
I have an idea of a dream house. And it's just amazing, i'll have to become one hell of a star/mogul/tycoon/thief to accumulate the funds to build this house.
First thing I want is what I have dubbed an 'Idea Room'. This room's walls consist of three things: One wall will be a blackboard/chalkboard (whatever), and the other wall will be a whiteboard, both stocked with chalk/markers, respectively. The other walls will be made of sound-proof, along with the walls behind the chalk and whiteboards. I also want three tables. One with a typewriter, a really nice typewriter with gold inlays and... Well, just amazing looking. On the second table, a computer with all sorts of art programs, next to an easel with much art supplies. On the third table, and surrounding the third table, a keyboard, a electric guitar, a bass guitar, an acoustic guitar, a drum set, and various other instruments, all hooked up to a macintosh computer, for producing.
That's just one room.
Another idea of mine is to take a swimming pool, just a regular indoor swimming pool. Have a secret compartment in the side of the pool, containing scuba gear. Only I would know about this, and have a key to this compartment. I put on the scuba gear, and swim to the deep end. The deep end is very, very deep (almost 20 feet), and the pool is dyed so the water is murky. There is a small door, which I also have the key to, which leads into a water-filled tunnel (not too tight, claustrophobia!) that goes on for about 50 feet to a secret underground chamber, which contains bascially the setup from Scarface, in the hottub scene: Hottub, TV, the works... Basically an underground hidey-hole/rec room. Just for me.
Those are just the highlights. I want this house, and I will do anything to have it built and live the rest of my life there. Beware all ye who run foul of anyone with access to a hitman.
Just kidddddding!
Maybe.
Yes I ammmmmm!

*cough*

Greed and other funny things

2005-08-27T20:17:00.000-05:00

So the past two days have been filled with movies for me, which of course would usually put me in a state of pure joy. Unfortunately, the movies were The Brothers Grimm and Red Eye.

The Brothers Grimm
Well, i'd just like to say that this movie is not good. But as many movies before it, and in the style of such films that have been ruined by bad scripts such as Land of the Dead, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Other than the bad script, the movie was great and much fun to watch. The visuals, thanks to Mr. Gilliam, were fantastic and mind-blowing. The acting, care of Misters Ledger and Damon, was satisfactory to say the least. Not bad, but nothing amazing. Overall, it was good fun, and a good movie ruined by a lackluster script. They should have called me up. :D

68%

I also saw Red Eye, but I don't feel like giving a long review because i' m tired (it's 1:51 am). I'll just say that I really enjoyed the acting, but it was very predictable and straightforward, and not much thrill was involved, no matter what the previews may lead you to believe.

55%

I also saw the original Dawn of the Dead tonight, at a little theatre that opened, to my delight, just down the street from my dad's house, where they show movies for $2, and not new (as in Red Eye or The Brothers Grimm new). Tonight they had a zombie night, with Shaun of the Dead, Night of the Living Dead, and, of course, the original Dawn of the Dead. I enjoyed it muchly, and the social commentary was very cheeky indeed. Beyond reviewing by me.

And that's my rounds for the night. Oh yeah, a rant. Umm...
What's the deal with airline peanuts?
Wait, that's been done. Oh well, good night!

Shagrugs and other oddities on my head

2005-08-23T23:46:00.000-05:00

The internet is a fantabulous, if evil, creation.
I actually have a hypothesis. A real theory, one might call it. The internet has fucked my entire being up in a real bad way. For one thing, i'm pretty sure it's dumbed me down... Or that could have been my lack of doing anything to contruct my mind, or at least keep it in shape over the past many years. I've lost interest, well maybe not interest... Motivation... To read anything of any worth. So from this point on, I am cutting down severely on my internet usage, and if not, I will use it only as a learning tool. For every hour of useless shit I do on a computer, I will read at least an hour, on the computer or not. This is step one to my better life. There will be many more to come. My life right now, although I am content with it (one of the problems) is unhealthy in many ways, some I do not wish to share so publicly.
I'm also going to write a lot more, and draw more, possibly the two with interact and coincide and other words that mean work with eachother.
You'll notice I didn't use the word 'Fuck' in there.
For some reason.
I have a job interview tomorow, I need to sleep now. I also need this job, as $10 and hour is just plain hot. For my first job, in any case. I hope to be making around $15/hour by the time I go back to college, so I can support myself if I wish to move out.
Guero is the hottest album to hit earth for a while. Everyone should buy it! Or at least download the song Rental Car. It's amazing and campy-ish. Speaking of songs, I Want Brad Pitt's Sex is coming along mightily! We're shooting for a late 4th quarter 2006 release.
G'nite, all!

Why I hate Vincent Gallo!

2005-08-15T04:03:00.000-05:00

This may very well be a rant brought on by sleepiness and possibly jealousy, but I hate Vincent Gallo. Hate his... Everything. He's pretentious and self-righteous and has stupid, invalid opinions and I just don't like anything about him. Treating himself like an artist because he made shit like The Brown Bunny is fucking ridiculous. I'm not going to rag on the movie because of it's... Sensitive scenes, but I will quote Peter Griffin here: "What's the difference between and art film and a porno? A government grant!" But enough about that. The simple fact is, he got money for this piece of trash, not to mention the... Right not talking about that. Money for this piece of trash. If you're going to make an 'art' film, at least justify it's raunch somewhat with, I don't know... A good movie surrounding the raunch? That might make sense, you pretentious fuck.
And yes I know Buffalo '66 was good.

A couple of gems from Mr. Gallo:
-"I stopped painting in 1990 at the peak of my success just to deny people my beautiful paintings. And I did it out of spite."
-"I don't trust or love anyone. Because people are so creepy. Creepy creepy creeps. Creeping around. Creeping here and creeping there. Creeping everywhere. Crippity crappity creepies."
-"And I was the guy that people used to say, "He's so European." I mean, I never felt like that. I don't relate to those monkeys. I just can't relate to them. I'm a super American--Captain America."

And finally:
-"I feel very happy that Bush is our president. One way that you can tell we have a good president, is by how much the French dislike him. The more the French hate him, the better he must be. And they hate this one."

Fuck him. I want to make films. Better ones than him. And I won't be a dick about it.

Skinny Dips!

2005-08-13T00:44:00.000-05:00

Bored with myself, tired of sleeping.
Everyone is bored of me, it seems. No one wants to talk to me.
Gah.
Self-depressive bullshit.
In other news, after reading many internet boards regarding Fight Club, I have come to a very depressing conclusion: Most people like the movie because they actually believe in Tyler Durden's philosophy, or say they do. But the fact is the book and movie weren't made to promote his ideals, although some of them I wouldn't mind. These so-called followers of Tyler appear in my mind as a bunch of teenagers who are oh-so-different from everyone else and sit at home on their computers wearing black and thinking about how much life sucks. Everything they do regarding their adoration of Tyler is hypocritical in itself! Posting on a computer on the internet, owning a DVD player and a TV and living in a fucking house, even. Trite, useless punks ruining a good movie and a good book. Not to mention the bullshit videogame. That was an insult to the movie/book not because I believe in Tyler's ideals, but because it just was bad and ruined the whole point of the book/movie, and made the whole thing look bad. Not to mention Fred Durst was in the game because he's a fan. Fuck him, and his shitty music. I'm a fan. He's a fucking tool.
I'm not usually this cynical, i'm just in a bad mood, and it's my favourite movie and one of my favourite books.