Big Bags Begone
Ladies, they may be useful and they may be stylish, but...
Keep them the fuck off the counter please. You chose to carry around this huge bag filled with god knows what all day, don't slop it all over my counter and give me a sour look when you need to move your gym-bag sized purse featuring at least 10 non-functional buckles to sign your credit card slip for your purchase of the smooth jazz/easy listening CD or 'The Secret' DVD, and keep it on your goddamn shoulder.
And while we're on the subject of the Secret. Here's the secret: don't take advice from Oprah. Spending $40 (actual price) on some DVD with some vague promise from some TV personality and dubious claims as to what it contains.
And while we're on that subject, is it just me, or are shorts getting shorter every year?
So I haven't blogged in a while, honestly because of two reasons (mainly)
a) I'm lazy (see: effects of extended drug use)
b) I forgot my Google password. (see: effects of extended drug use)
I get three paychecks this month, so there will be some mad drinking and maybe mad tattooing going on. Maybe both on my chest. Titty shots!
And I'm so super-excited for the new Queens of the Stone Age album. It seems like it will be way hot. I bought the new Frog Eyes; fantastic, I call it. And I'm going to try to score some tickets to Dinosaur Jr., because that will be an awesome show.
And for my weekly dish of hate, I still hate that talentless little poopface Lily Allen. Or whatever. Fuck that shit.
I have a new computer, and it's better than yours. Like, wayyyyy better.
Ohhh, and I have a ticket to see Mr. Chuck Palahniuk on a certain May the 25th, where I will probably purchase his new book like so many layer kids will too. I should probably at least get my hair cut. I look like I'm the outcast in a 70's teen comedy. It's ridiculous. I went to the barber naught but a week ago, and already I look like I belong volunteering at the goddamn Folk Fest. And I paid $30 for that haircut. That is some ridiculous bullshit. That's like two or three CD's or a cool t-shirt or like maaaybe two shirts from Value Village. That place is too pr icy too. Capitalism is shitty!
On that subject, I love capitalism, and explaining it's basic concept to people. I get this scenario a lot:
CUSTOMER: Hey, this artist has these two CD's that are similar for some lame reason I just noticed ie. same number of songs, date released, or something of that nature. Why are they differently priced?
ME: Well, because people can charge whatever the fuck they want for whatever the fuck they want, because that's how capitalism works. This country has been using such a system for its entire existence, and I think you should probably accept that sometimes, some comparable things are priced differently. Hell, sometimes the exact same item, is a different price somewhere else! Goddamn!
Not exactly, but you know how it goes.
I think that's about it for now. I have to get to bed. Well, maybe a story before I do.
A Bedtime Story For The Whole Family
by David Nowacki
Three friends were having a sleepover, and watching a movie, a scary movie, one that their parents said they could not watch. These three friends were also snorting the remainders of an 8-ball they had picked up in the bathroom at school that day from some dude. One of them starting freaking out because of the... Well, whatever, he was freaking man, hardcore.
He like, totally couldn't handle that shit. The other dudes had a bummer time too.
Doing coke is for lame-o's. I guess. I don't judge. Whatever man, don't judge me.
Goddamn suits.
Keep them the fuck off the counter please. You chose to carry around this huge bag filled with god knows what all day, don't slop it all over my counter and give me a sour look when you need to move your gym-bag sized purse featuring at least 10 non-functional buckles to sign your credit card slip for your purchase of the smooth jazz/easy listening CD or 'The Secret' DVD, and keep it on your goddamn shoulder.
And while we're on the subject of the Secret. Here's the secret: don't take advice from Oprah. Spending $40 (actual price) on some DVD with some vague promise from some TV personality and dubious claims as to what it contains.
And while we're on that subject, is it just me, or are shorts getting shorter every year?
So I haven't blogged in a while, honestly because of two reasons (mainly)
a) I'm lazy (see: effects of extended drug use)
b) I forgot my Google password. (see: effects of extended drug use)
I get three paychecks this month, so there will be some mad drinking and maybe mad tattooing going on. Maybe both on my chest. Titty shots!
And I'm so super-excited for the new Queens of the Stone Age album. It seems like it will be way hot. I bought the new Frog Eyes; fantastic, I call it. And I'm going to try to score some tickets to Dinosaur Jr., because that will be an awesome show.
And for my weekly dish of hate, I still hate that talentless little poopface Lily Allen. Or whatever. Fuck that shit.
I have a new computer, and it's better than yours. Like, wayyyyy better.
Ohhh, and I have a ticket to see Mr. Chuck Palahniuk on a certain May the 25th, where I will probably purchase his new book like so many layer kids will too. I should probably at least get my hair cut. I look like I'm the outcast in a 70's teen comedy. It's ridiculous. I went to the barber naught but a week ago, and already I look like I belong volunteering at the goddamn Folk Fest. And I paid $30 for that haircut. That is some ridiculous bullshit. That's like two or three CD's or a cool t-shirt or like maaaybe two shirts from Value Village. That place is too pr icy too. Capitalism is shitty!
On that subject, I love capitalism, and explaining it's basic concept to people. I get this scenario a lot:
CUSTOMER: Hey, this artist has these two CD's that are similar for some lame reason I just noticed ie. same number of songs, date released, or something of that nature. Why are they differently priced?
ME: Well, because people can charge whatever the fuck they want for whatever the fuck they want, because that's how capitalism works. This country has been using such a system for its entire existence, and I think you should probably accept that sometimes, some comparable things are priced differently. Hell, sometimes the exact same item, is a different price somewhere else! Goddamn!
Not exactly, but you know how it goes.
I think that's about it for now. I have to get to bed. Well, maybe a story before I do.
A Bedtime Story For The Whole Family
by David Nowacki
Three friends were having a sleepover, and watching a movie, a scary movie, one that their parents said they could not watch. These three friends were also snorting the remainders of an 8-ball they had picked up in the bathroom at school that day from some dude. One of them starting freaking out because of the... Well, whatever, he was freaking man, hardcore.
He like, totally couldn't handle that shit. The other dudes had a bummer time too.
Doing coke is for lame-o's. I guess. I don't judge. Whatever man, don't judge me.
Goddamn suits.
posted by David! at 5/08/2007 01:12:00 AM
4 Insults Thrown:
Yes! Welcome back Dave-o. This post made at least half of my day.
The sun is up, the world is flat. Damn good address for a rat.
Truefakt.
Yeah, i'll be blogging again on a regular basis. or, semi-regular at least.
You write very well.
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